Co-Parenting After a Relationship Breaks Down

Family breakdowns are more common than you may think, and there are approximately 2.4 million separated families in the UK effectively co-parenting. If you’re thinking about divorce or separation and have children, you’re not alone.

Starting a new life can come with a whirlwind of emotions, worries, and challenges, all of which can intensify when children are involved. It’s important to be mindful of your children during this time to ensure they aren’t negatively affected.

Co-parenting can feel overwhelming, but it’s a chance to work together to provide your child with stability, love, and support during a challenging time. This blog explores what co-parenting means, how divorce or separation may affect your child, and practical steps to support both of you in your new life chapter. Read on for more.

What Is Co-Parenting?

Co-parenting is when two parents work together to raise their children, even after their romantic relationship has ended. The goal is to make sure the child’s emotional and physical needs are met while maintaining a sense of stability and security. To protect your child’s best interests, co-parenting requires high levels of communication, cooperation and commitment.

How Can Children Be Affected By Divorce or Separation?

Parental breakup can negatively impact a child’s emotional and psychological well-being as it can expose them to feelings of confusion, sadness, guilt or even anger. These emotions can hinder a child's development, as children often thrive in stable environments, and a breakup can disrupt this important sense of security.

If your family is going through a divorce or separation and would like to prevent any family difficulties and achieve family mediation, support from family solicitors, parenting coaches, or family therapists can be incredibly helpful.

How to Tell Your Child About Your Divorce?

Breaking the news about a divorce can be one of the most difficult conversations you’ll have with your child. Remember, your child is also a human, and they will also have their emotions and opinions regarding the situation. When telling your child about your divorce, make sure to:

1. Let them express their feelings
2. Show you’re listening
3. Let them ask questions

These are important as they will allow your child to feel supported, heard, and understood during a time that may feel confusing to them.

How Can I Support My Child Through Divorce or Separation?

Supporting your child through this transition is essential to minimise its impact on their well-being. Here are some strategies that can help to support your child:

• Remember they are human and will be dealing with their own emotions
• Prioritise quality time together
• Hold space for them to express their thoughts and feelings without hesitation
• Remember they may have different feelings for you
• Give them some space if they are experiencing challenging feelings
• Develop healthy routines with both sides of the family
• Make sure your child understands that it isn’t their fault

These may sound obvious but more often than not they can be easily neglected. They are simple, yet effective, ways to effectively help your child through family change.

What Not To Do While Supporting Your Child

Despite the difficulties that divorce or separation may bring you, there are some key things to keep in mind to ensure your child is not negatively affected. You should make a conscious effort not to:

• Speak negatively about the other parent in the presence of the children
• Engage in disputes with the other parent while the children are nearby
• Acti in a manner that causes unease or discomfort when the other parent is present
• Avoid discussions about the other parent or members of the child’s extended family

The Importance of Dealing With Your Own Feelings Through Divorce

Coping with your emotions during a divorce is essential because bottled-up feelings can take a toll on your mental health, decision-making, and relationships. Make sure to address emotions like anger, sadness, or guilt to give you a better chance of handling challenging or uncomfortable situations with clarity and calm.

Children are more sensitive to your emotional state, and it can negatively affect them. So, if you’re going through a divorce or separation, prioritising your own well-being is not selfish and will allow you to heal and is beneficial to your child’s future.

Ways to Deal With Negative Feelings Towards Divorce

Negative emotions can come without any expectation, especially during a turbulent time in your life. Though it may be unexpected, getting through these negative emotions promptly can be vital to reducing the chances of your family being affected. You can deal with these emotions by:

• Seeking professional mental health support
• Practicing self-compassion and being kind to yourself
• Focusing on healthy hobbies (e.g. journaling, exercising, creative activities)
• Reaching out to trusted friends, family members or support groups
• Setting goals for the future to have something to work towards

5 Tips For Successful Co-Parenting

Not only is it important to deal with your emotions effectively, but it’s also important to promptly come to a co-parenting agreement to ensure that your children’s emotions, routines and daily life are not negatively impacted. For successful co-parenting, you can:

1. Acknowledge your emotions and feelings about the separation, establish your boundaries and find ways to look after yourself
2. Establish a shared understanding of what co-parenting means
3. Work as a cooperative team with your co-parent to manage all aspects of parenting decisions
4. Create a parenting plan
5. Put your child’s needs first to make sure they feel supported, loved and stable in both households

Contact Our Family Solicitors at Bell Lamb & Joynson

With over 200 years of operation within the legal sector, we’re proud to have helped families throughout the UK achieve harmony during difficult chapters of their lives. We have a compassionate, yet talented, team of Family Law solicitors equipped to support families going through divorce or separation.

We can help you with:

• Children in care proceedings (via CAFCASS guardians), parents, grandparents, and other family members
• People facing a relationship breakdown, like divorce or separation
• Parents managing child-related issues, like co-parenting after divorce
• People preparing for marriage, entering into a civil partnership, or moving in together
• People interested in adoption
• Grandparents seeking more time with their grandchildren
• People who have experienced or are currently experiencing domestic abuse

If you’re going through family separation and would like support to ensure your children are not negatively impacted and protect your legal rights to parenting, give Bell Lamb & Joynson a call on 03444 124348. We’re looking forward to hearing from you.

Co-Parenting FAQs

At What Age Does Divorce Affect a Child?

Divorce can affect children at any age, but the impact varies depending on their developmental stage. Younger children may struggle with understanding, while teens might experience anger or anxiety. However, the sooner your child's emotions and feelings from having separated parents are addressed, the better.

How Does Divorce Affect Parenting?

Divorce often requires parents to adjust their roles and responsibilities, which can challenge communication and coordination. Effective co-parenting helps mitigate these difficulties.

Who Gets Parental Rights in a Divorce?

Parental rights are determined based on the child’s best interests. This can involve shared custody, sole custody, or visitation arrangements, depending on the circumstances.

Should Divorced Parents Spend Time Together with Their Children?

Parents separating does not mean that they should completely avoid each other. In fact, spending time together can reassure children if both parents can maintain a positive and conflict-free interaction. However, this depends on the dynamics between the parents and the specific situation.